Acceptable Swears

Alas, the habit of swearing can really trip you up. Like any other habit, it doesn’t take long for it to become part of your regular vocabulary. This would be ok if you never leave the house, but trust me–if you get in the habit of swearing, it’s not a question of IF you will drop an F-bomb in front of the wrong person, but WHEN.

I had gotten lazy about swearing, and it had became so routine that I didn’t really give it much thought. However, during a visit with our fabulous granddaughter, Ava, I happened to drop the S-word for poop. Well, I could have cheerfully bitten my tongue off for saying it in front of her. I quickly explained that Lulu (my grandma name) had made a mistake and said a rude word and was sorry. Luckily she didn’t really pay much attention to my saying it, but she did catch on that Lulu made a mistake and crowed about it all day. Nothing less than I deserved.

So, I decided to exfoliate my expletives and sanitize my swears. We all know how satisfying it is to blast out some good old Anglo Saxon swear words such as f*ck, d*mn, cr*p, h*ll, sh*t, b*gger, and so on, but it is a tough habit to break. So I came up with a list of words that have some of that same satisfying explosive effect, but are not offensive. I am saying them often to get used to them.

Here’s my list:

  • For f*ck: frickity-frack (or ‘frack’) or fidacaducia or fish or *feck (this one’s risky as it’s too close to the real thing)
  • For d*mn: ding-dang for just dang
  • For cr*p: Kazakhstan or carp
  • For h*ll: hal, halcyon or hoolies
  • For sh*t: Shostakovich or scheisse (German); ok as long as you’re not in Germany
  • For b*gger: boggart or beggar

Wish me luck–it’s perfect hell–sorry–hal trying to clean up my mouth!

*By the way, the Celts often use this word in place of “f*ck.”