Trans Fats and Why We Should Hate Them

Note: I wrote a similar post on trans fat a few years ago. Now that the Crankee Yankee and I are interested in losing some weight, I dusted this one off .

What exactly are trans fats, anyway? You can find all the information you could possibly want to know about them on countless websites, so I won’t tell you here. But I will tell you that trans fats are bad and we should all hate them.

Why? Because trans fats’ main gig is to make unhealthy foods taste fabulously good. Respectable people who by day virtuously lunch on green salads and 12-grain bread can be seen after dark, driving stealthily up to the local McDoodles wearing a fake mustache and a big hat.

How does this happen? My personal theory is that, the more healthy foods you eat, the more you feel entitled to take a walk on the dark side now and then.

And that occasional foray can become a greasy slope. You approach like an ant to a pitcher plant, drawn by the seductive scent of mystery meat, fatty cheese and double-fried fish fillets. But once you slip and fall in, it takes a heroic struggle to get out—if you can.

There are many “good fats” that should be part of our daily diet; these actually improve body function. But trans fats are just no good, and are certainly no friend to any of our body functions.

Trans fats are the bullies of the fat world. They will throw your sneakers up into trees and push your face in the dirt, all the while clogging your arteries with cholesterol. They know the extent of their badness, and they aren’t the least bit remorseful. They love it when the top button on your pants parts company with its buttonhole so violently that it bursts into flame.

Trans fats are out to get us so unhealthy that, when the space aliens finally arrive to take over the earth, we won’t have the strength or will to resist. At that time, our only hope will be to offer them a triple cheeseburger and super-sized fries and hope for the best.

Please pass the Brussels sprouts….