The male mind is completely different than the female mind! (As if we didn’t already know this….) There are times when I look the Crankee Yankee straight in the eye and say, “Are you seriously out of your mind?”
I say this when:
- He sees yet another wheelbarrow on the side of the road marked ‘Free’ (he has six already).
- Someone cuts him off in traffic and he gets right up on their tailpipe with his lights on bright. (This is when I remind him that sometimes people carry guns in the car for this very situation.)
- Someone gets on his bumper and he slows waaaaaaaay down just to aggravate the someone behind him.
- We are at the doctor’s office and he thinks it’s ok to ramble on and on and on about his opinion about the healthcare system. (Tick tock, buddy—they don’t have enough time as it is!)
- He brings home one more “whimsical” doo-dad for the garden.
Also, men think that these things are ok:
- Scratching yourself in public. When you call them out about it, they reply “but I itch!“. As if they can’t wait to go somewhere private to do it. (And honestly, they do not care who sees them doing this.)
- If the driver behind you is too close, he’s an ass. If he’s in front of you going too slow for you, he’s an ass.
- Constantly giving unasked-for opinions.
- Flipping someone off in traffic. (Good grief, do they want to become another statistic?)
- Offering you their used bath towel (I really do not want my face where his butt has been).
- Hawking a loogie out of the car window in traffic. (Really?!)
But here’s the thing: men are an awful lot like babies and pets; God makes them cute so that you don’t kill them. Just when you think that your man has jumped on your last nerve, they do something so sweet, so adorable, so thoughtful that your bones melt.
I swear, it’s all part of their *SEP to stay alive while living with us.
*SEP + Secret Evil Plan.