Just when you think that things are on an even keel, whammo! Then the world as you know it shakes us up with a new change; usually something we didn’t see coming. I’m the first one to say that change is ultimately good, but when it first happens, it doesn’t always seem that way.
Life Change 1: In June of last year, I discovered I had breast cancer (DCIS) and had a lumpectomy. Everything was clear in the next mammogram. It was a scare, and certainly something to keep watch on, but most of all, it was a major life change.
Life Change 2: I planned on working until I decided to retire, say, in a year so; but that didn’t happen. The company I worked for was cutting back and I was let go. It turned out to be for the best as my mother was dying of metastatic breast cancer and had recently gone into home Hospice.
I could never have kept that job and helped my mom and dad, so it was a change that needed to happen. I don’t regret a second of all the time I was privileged to have with my mom during those last months.
Not only that, but I grew even closer to my dad. We became a partnership of two dedicated to Mom’s well-being, comfort and happiness. It was a bittersweet time, and we were so grateful for the time we had together.
Life Change 3: Three and a half months later, my mom died peacefully in her own home. The Crankee Yankee and I were on our way, but she went before we got there. Dad of course was with her, and I often think of her last minutes of life. She was ready in every way to go, was peaceful in mind and body. I imagine how comforting it was for her to know that Dad, the love of her life, her best and dearest friend, was nearby.
After everything was over, I realized that I really didn’t want to work any more. I had people calling me to see if I was interested in this or that job, but as each day, week and month went by I felt that my working days were over.
At the beginning of this month, I had a knee replacement, and I am healing beautifully. My range of motion is better each day, and I keep up with the exercises and will start outpatient physical therapy next week. This of course meant I was out of commission for most of the month, and had to depend on the Crankee Yankee for so many little things. He rose to the challenge, and as of this day, I am walking well and improving.
I wouldn’t really call this a life change, as it was something I needed and wanted to have. My right knee had been painful for nearly three years, and I’m grateful to have been able to have the knee replacement.
It was only a day or so ago that I realized just how much change I have experienced in just one year. Now that the dust has settled (until the next life change shows up!), I have to wonder what is in store next. I still feel a little strange, not working, but I suppose that that will go away in time. While I am back to making jewelry again, I am still not ready to open my next Etsy store (I’ll let you know when I do).
These days when I am not doing knee flexion exercises or walking with two canes, I am reading and writing, watching some TV, and doing more sleeping than I have in months. Perhaps I am catching up with all the changes.
I will admit to a bit of fear and trepidation about the future; what will I be doing, what do I want to do, should I try to volunteer somewhere, join a book club, etc.? Right now my world seems a little large to me as I am still rattling around in all that has happened in this past year.
I’ll admit to some times of depression when I think of Peggy Lee’s famous song, “Is That All There Is?” While my mind knows that certainly there is more to my life that was has been, it’s often hard to shake old habits. When this happens, I keep saying to myself, ‘don’t worry, this will pass. It is all POP (Part Of the Process).
Let me say again that change is ultimately for our good, and I am slowly coming to embrace it.