In the Car, Laughing All the Way

Ever notice how many people driving around look like they would rather be anywhere but where they are? Well, maybe they really do, but what I mean is that you seldom see smiling or laughing people driving by. What you DO see is angry faces, zoned-out faces, troubled faces, irritated faces and downright scary faces.

Way back when I was a kid, we really did do “Sunday driving.” On most Sundays, you got up, had a good breakfast, got ready for the day, did any errands that needed to be done, and sometimes go to church. Since Mom and I sang in the church choir, we usually went.

Then the rest of the day was free. Off we’d go in the car, taking a Sunday ride. Mom and Dad chatted back and forth, and I sat in the back, day-dreaming and enjoying all the sights. Sometimes we’d stop for lunch; fried clams, hot dogs, hamburgers, etc., Cheap but good.

We would comment about the weather; depending on what season we were in. Sometimes we would start singing a song together as well. Once we returned home, my world felt like a lighter, happier, more relaxed place. I would go to bed with the scent of wind and sun on my hair and skin.

Perhaps it’s an attempt to bring back those carefree car rides, but when the Crankee Yankee and I go off somewhere in the car, we may or may not do a lot of talking. More often we will exchange what we call “third grade jokes.” These are jokes so awful or so corny that we both roll our eyes; but still we laugh our heads off. They are funny because they are third-gradish!

Best of all, we often forget each other’s jokes, which is great: we can tell them and laugh at them all over again! As I’ve often told the Crankee Yankee, give us a few more years and we’ll be hiding our own Easter eggs….

I imagine that we must look pretty ridiculous as we drive by others on the road. Usually we are howling with laughter over yet another dumb joke. I often wonder if the people we drive by on the road think that we are nuts.

But as they are not in the car with us, I really don’t care. And in the spirit of *third grade jokes everywhere, here are some doozies:

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

What goes ha, ha, ha, plop?
Someone laughing his head off.

What is large, gray, and wears glass slippers?

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
The food is terrific, but there’s no atmosphere.

What did the hot dog say when he crossed the finish line?
I am the wiener!

What did one hot dog say to another?
Hi, Frank.

Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they can’t remember the words.

Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk.

Did you hear about the skunk that went to church?
He had his own pew.

What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler.

So the male flea said to the female flea, “How about we go to the movies?”
And the female flea said, “Sure. Shall we walk or take the dog?”

Who yelled, “Coming are the British!”?
Paul Reverse.

What did the mother buffalo say to her little boy when he went off to school?

What do you get when you eat onions and beans?
Tear gas.

Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fungi.

Why did the fungi leave the party?
Because there wasn’t mushroom.

Why do they put bells on cows?
Because their horns don’t work.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
To win the no-bell prize.

What’s brown and lives in the bell tower?
The lunch bag of Notre Dame.

Why should you never fly with Peter Pan?
Because you’ll never, never land.

Why do gorillas have large nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

How does the Man in the Moon get his haircut?
Eclipse it.

Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.

Why did the Pilgrims pants fall down?
Because they wore their belt buckles on their hats.

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
They both have the same middle name.

*From; thread: third grade jokes.