Aliens Are Stealing My Stuff

There’s no other explanation for it; aliens must be stealing my stuff. My favorite black sunglasses that fit so well and made me look like Jackie Onassis (from the neck up, anyway) are gone, gone, gone. I have *no* idea where they went. I had them in my purse and now I don’t.

The same with the extra two pairs of black yoga pants I bought last year; they needed hemming, and they are no longer in the basket in which I put them. Same with the new blue jeans I bought last summer. Also missing are these:

  • the hot pink nail polish I bought last July to cover up the fact that my little toenails have turned into horns
  • the ‘perfect’ silver chain I swear I put in my jewelry armoire
  • the expensive packet of saffron threads I bought to make the perfect chicken soup
  • the nail clippers for the cats (they probably hid them on me)
  • the lucky blue marble with bubbles in it I had as a child

Now this is what my mother would have called ‘having a sloppy mental attitude.’ She felt that, if you couldn’t get your thoughts together, you probably would end up losing some of your stuff–or your mind.

As I have always been interested in the idea that alien beings have helped our civilization along for thousands of years, you would think that they would be much too dignified and highly evolved to hide (or take) our stuff. Or maybe their sense of humor is so intellectual that this is one of those epic alien pranks that they all laugh about at the alien bars located on one of the obscure rings of Saturn. Or who knows–maybe they are collectors who love to decorate their subterranean homes with knick-knacks and doo-dads as we do.

…or it could just be that I put all that stuff somewhere and just do not remember where……