We Could Really Use Some Jokes Right Now!

These days we REALLY could use something to laugh about. I found the following jokes on line by Bob Larkin. Enjoy!

***********************************

150 Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny

microphone bad jokes

A bad joke is just that: a bad joke. But sometimes a joke is so jaw-droppingly ridiculous that it transcends its own awfulness and reaches a higher plane of funny. You don’t want to laugh—every self-respecting part of your brain is rejecting the guffawing impulse—but you can’t help yourself. That’s when you know you have a bad joke so horrible that it’s actually funny.

And the thing is, everyone needs a bad joke every now and then Call them “dad jokes” if you must, but it’s not just dads who love a good groaner. Herein, we’ve rounded up all of the best funny bad jokes that will have you laughing so hard you cry—no matter how hard you try and resist.

The funniest bad jokes everybody will love.

middle aged couple laughing, bad jokes
Shutterstock
  1. What do you call a hippie’s wife? A Mississippi!
  2. What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick? Put it on my bill!
  3. I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
  4. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
  5. Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!
  6. What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
  7. What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!
  8. What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain? Hi Cliff!
  9. What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk!
  10. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
  11. Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!
  12. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
  13. Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine? It was about a weak back!
  14. I just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
  15. When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
  16. What do you call a dangerous sun shower? A rain of terror!
  17. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’ve bagels!
  18. What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny!
  19. Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  20. What streets to ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
  21. What do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
  22. What kind of dogs love car racing? Lap dogs!
  23. What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? “Show me the honey!”
  24. What do you call birds who stick together? Vel-crows.
  25. Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

The best funny jokes to tell at parties.

woman and man laughing in conversation at a cocktail party, bad jokes
Shutterstock
  1. What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak out!
  2. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad!
  3. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.
  4. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but its flag is a big plus!
  5. My favorite word is “drool.” It just rolls off the tongue.
  6. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
  7. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
  8. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “Graaaaaaaains!”
  9. My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
  10. Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.
  11. I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
  12. I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I’m going home for the hollandaise.
  13. What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? “Oh sheet!”
  14. I like to spend every day as if it’s my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
  15. Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? ‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!
  16. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.
  17. What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.
  18. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
  19. Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!
  20. It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
  21. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? “Robin, get in the car.”
  22. I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it’s only mild.
  23. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless!
  24. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
  25. What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: