Some Like it Hot

I wrote this back a few years ago, and I still say that black coffee is the best.


I grew up in a household where Mom and Dad drank black coffee; no cream, no sugar. When I started drinking coffee myself, I flirted with milk and sugar and the occasional splurt of chocolate syrup, but that didn’t last long. I grew to love the bitter yet satisfying taste of strong hot black coffee. Fortunately, the Crankee Yankee likes it that way as well.

I don’t believe I ever went to a fancy-schmancy coffee shop before I moved to Texas in the early ’90s. At the time, I worked for a woman who adored a certain famous coffee house (hint: it rhymes with “Far Clucks”). I don’t remember that we ever went there without her spending at least $30 on coffee! Mind you, we are talking about TWO cups of coffee, not a few bags of coffee beans.

It made me think about flavored coffees in general. Personally, all I ever ask of a cup of coffee is that it be 1) very hot, 2) black, and 3) no one asking me what flavor I want. I want COFFEE flavored coffee. Period.

I am flabbergasted by coffee houses who routinely carry “additions” such as:

  • Madagascar cinnamon
  • chocolate: milk, dark, white, marbled
  • flavored syrups; caramel, vanilla, hazelnut, etc.
  • milk; soy, coconut, almond, cashew, macadamia, etc.

…and who knows what all else can be had there. No doubt they also carry shavings from moon rocks, petrified alien vomit, powdered rhino horn, pixie dust, plutonium and antimatter; for a nominal fee, of course.

Right now, the only people I know who drink black coffee is the Crankee Yankee and me. When we travel and stop at any of the ubiquitous rest stops along the way, there is always a fancy coffee bar. Always. Even the truckers now appear to love “foo-foo” coffee these days.

I thought I had heard everything ridiculous about high-priced coffee until I heard about “*kopi luwak” coffee. Read on:


“Kopi luwak is the world’s most expensive coffee. The main factor of it’s high price is the uncommon method of producing such a coffee. It has been produced from the coffee beans which have been digested by a certain Indonesian cat-like animal called the palm civet or also civet cat. This is the reason kopi luwak is also called cat poop coffee or civet cat coffee. The feces of this cat will be collected, finished and sold as kopi luwak. ….The short supply, in comparison with the high demand, the different taste and the uncommon production methods define the value of kopi luwak – the most expensive coffee in the world.”

Get this: a cup of this coffee can go anywhere from $35 to $100 per cup! Shoot, I could have any one of our five cats poop in my coffee for FREE!

Ah well, I have no doubt that hundreds of thousands of people are thoroughly enjoying their foo-foo coffee everywhere. More power to them, I say. For now, I am very happy to be sipping my second black coffee this morning; civet cat poop-free.

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