Living With Pushy Cats

The Crankee Yankee and I have a queen-size bed, which is a good size for two people. However, when you are owned by five cats, a queen-size bed just doesn’t cut it. We usually have at least three cats (the big ones, too) who insist on sleeping with us. They have no bed manners at all; our big boy, Plumpy-nut, sprawls out between us, purring loudly. Our youngest, Scooter, camps out at the foot of the bed, so the space where our feet normally go is, shall we say, compromised. Nala, the oldest and the only female, wraps herself around the Crankee Yankee’s head. While this is very snuggly, it doesn’t do much for a good night’s sleep.

No one enjoys entitlement like our cats. As you will remember, cats were once revered as gods and they have never forgotten this. The difference between cats and dogs is this: a dog will do whatever it takes to please their owners. Cats, on the other hand, do whatever they want to as long as it suits them. That’s pretty much it.

There is really no way that you can successfully train a cat because they just won’t do anything that doesn’t have a good payoff. If they could speak, the conversation would go something like this:

Person: “Ok, kitty, get off the bed now, I want to sleep.”

Cat: “Me, too. Move over.”

And if you bring bribery into the conversation, it would go this way:

Person: “Kitty, I have a nice piece of steak for you if you get off the bed.”

Cat: “Sounds great. Make it medium-rare, and let me know when it’s ready.” Snore…

So that’s how it is; you have cats, they take over the house. It’s just the way they view the world: all of the good stuff is theirs, and they know it.


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