Back to the Crabby Pants Journal

I originally published this a few years back; however, the things that made me crabby back then still make me crabby!

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From the Crabby Pants journal, which exists for all the stuff that makes me crabby, such as:

  • There is no such word as REE-LA-TOR. It is realtor, pronounced “REEL-TOR.”
  • When you fall down in a house, a library, a school, the workplace–-in short, somewhere indoors, you can say that you fell on the floor. When you fall down outside; that is, where there is grass, cement, clay, etc.; in short, an outside surface, then you say that you fell on the ground. 
  • People who have no idea what the true usage of a word is; that is, they make up some variation of it that makes no sense. Example: I once overheard a waiter speaking with a customer who was talking enthusiastically about the new golf course in town. He had had a great game and the waiter, who proclaimed that he, too was a golfer, said, “How did you find the degree of difficulticity of the course?”
  • It is correct to say “It’s not that big a deal.” It is INCORRECT to say, “It’s not that big of a deal.”
  • This one is from a TV commercial. A pretty girl, sitting in her bedroom, looks at the camera and says, “When I’m on my period, I take <insert pain killer brand here>.” You can be ON a motorcycle, or ON a bicycle, or ON a fencepost, etc. Correctly, it is “when I’m HAVING my period.” You HAVE a period, you don’t actually GET ON a period. Period.
  • When “jewelry” is pronounced “JOO-Lery.” Look at how it’s spelled; “JEW-EL-RY.” Enough said.
  • Opening up a Christmas card–and being showered with a pile of sparkly confetti. If this is supposed to make me happy, it doesn’t. It just means that now I have to vacuum–and I hate vacuuming. Thanks for nothing.
  • People who chew gum loudly. If they could only do it with their mouths closed discretely, I could live with it. But no–-we are treated to everyone’s dental work as they clop, clop, clop that gum loudly.
  • When did ending a conversation with “..so..” as if it were a logical end of the sentence become common? Example: “I bought this cute hat, took it home and put in on and it just didn’t look right, so….” SO, WHAT?!? End the sentence already! “So” is no way to end a sentence.
  • The world is NOT a trash can. PLEASE pick up your stuff–trust me when I say that the Clean-Up Fairy gave up on you a long time ago.
  • Pick up your dog’s poop. Seriously–if you’re going to have a dog, he/she is going to poop. So do us all a favor, and bring plastic bags with you and pick up the crap.
  • People who don’t EVER use directionals when they drive!
  • People who toss lit cigarette butts out of the windows of their cars (what? That fancy-schmancy vehicle doesn’t come with an ASH TRAY?!).
  • The now-common custom of people giving you your change with the loose change sitting on top of the bills, making me spill all the coins on the ground (or floor) while I simultaneously try to stuff the bills in my wallet. Really–is it THAT hard to just give me change with one hand and the bills with the other?
  • People who say “like” all the time – either something IS or IS NOT.
  • Tissues that come out of the box attached to each other like magicians’ scarves – just ONE at a time, please!
  • Weak coffee.

And so ends the Cranky Pants journal for now. But you can be sure that there will be more!

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