“Sports” for People Who Don’t Like Sports

I grew up in a home where no one cared at all about sports; our big thing was reading. When I got to grade school, during physical education we were all lined up to play kick ball and/or baseball. I was utterly lost; I had absolutely no idea how to play the games (I’d heard of them but never played them) and consistantly got yelled at for not running, catching, etc. The exasperated young woman coach made me do the running for a girl in my class who wore leg braces and couldn’t run. After she hit the ball, I’d take off like a deer with its tail on fire. That I could do.

Over the years, I realized that more people followed sports than reading, and to this day I just don’t get it. But to each his own. However, it made me think about “sports” for us geeky readers: what if there were tournaments for, say, the best scary novel of the year? Couldn’t you just see all of us bespectacled readers crowded into a library or book store, cheering for our favorite author’s latest book?

Think about it: just say that Stephen King and Dean Koontz showed up with their newest books. The crowd would all be wearing t-shirts that read things like this:

“Stephen King ROCKS!”

“Dean Koontz Has Done It Again!”

Each author would kindly read a chapter of their book, and, based on the cheers, would win the coveted blue suede bookmark and a small bronze statue of a worm wearing glasses (bookworm; get it?). All of us non-sports people would be chugging down hot tea with lemon and waving our croissants in the air. Now THAT sounds like fun!

Plus there would be no fist bumping, chest pounding, whoop-whooping (well, maybe a little). Instead of spraying the winner with champagne, they would have ripped up pages from lesser authors showered on them.

Now that’s a sport I can understand!

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