When I was very young, my mom and I always went to church together on Sundays. We also sang in the choir. Dad never went with us, and one day I asked him why he didn’t come to church with us. He said, “I’m a blue domer.” I asked him what that meant, and he said that the blue sky was his “dome,” or his church. I asked him if he believed in God, and he said he did. At the time, that was enough information for me.
For years I went to different churches, trying to feel at home. It wasn’t that all those churches were wrong; they just didn’t click with me; I never really felt comfortable. The years passed, and I began looking for a Bible group, thinking that that could be my “church.” A fellow I worked with suggested that I come to his Bible group; I did and met a lot of very nice people.
It turned out that they were Mormons, and I became quite comfortable with them over time. A few months later, I became a Mormon and was welcomed kindly into the church. I made a lot of friends there, and for a long time I felt I had finally found my spiritual home.
Nearly ten years passed, and my husband (the first one) and I divorced. For the most part, my women friends in church were kind and sympathetic. Over time I sensed a sort of disconnect from them, and I felt like an outcast. Mind you, this didn’t come from them exactly, I just felt that I was a failure.
Gradually I began to slip away from going to church. A day came when I thought, ‘this really isn’t for me,” and I left. It did not feel comfortable to me any more, and I felt it was time to go.
I discovered that I had become so used to praying morning and night that I kept up with it. My prayers were pretty simple; they started with all the people, animals and things I was grateful for. The prayers then went to all the things I was sorry for and I asked forgiveness. The last part of my prayer service was asking for all who were in trouble, sorrow, need or sickness. I also asked to find my own way.
Eventually, I did find my own way, and I discovered that I too am a “blue domer.” I no longer felt the need to go to any church; my own prayers were my connection with God. To this day I feel comfortable with my daily prayers, and I do feel a spiritual connection. My prayers make me mindful of what I’ve been given and the life I lead. I try to be a better person each day, and I am grateful to the heart for all the people in my life.
I believe that everyone finds their own way when it comes to church, prayer, belief or non-belief. I don’t force my opinions on it to anyone; we all came into this world with free will.
When we moved my dad in to live with us back in March of 2017, we often talked about the “next transition.” Dad was not afraid to die; he said he looked forward to being with Mom again, as well as his parents and relatives. I asked him what he thought Heaven was like. His answer: “I believe that it’s love, all love.”
I think so too, Dad.