The Jail of Guilt

I don’t know about you, but when something in my life goes sideways, I always blame myself. Despite all the metaphysical training I’ve had, despite my Reiki master diploma, despite what I know deep in my heart to be true—I automatically blame myself.

Just the other day I must have slept badly; I woke up with what felt like a pinched nerve in my lower back. Mind you, I have back issues as I sleep on my stomach; the absolute worst position for my back. It’s the only way I can sleep, and inevitably I can’t get out of bed until I’ve done my back exercises.

I spent the day like a crippled crab. It hurt to walk, it hurt to sit, it hurt to lie down. Because I have occasional Afib, the drug I take for it doesn’t work well with Nsaids. The one pain killer I can take is Tylenol, which does little for the pain. So I used a hot pack off and on during the day. The Crankee Yankee repeatedly tried to help me, but, martyr that I am, I refused all help—and felt worse.

Fortunately, one of my dearest friends called me last night. She is so loving and kind, and it was easy to tell her my troubles. She asked, “did you try an ice pack?” Duh—-I didn’t. So I alternated hot and cold for a few hours and got some relief.

Now, isn’t it just ridiculous that you can kindly and comfortingly help a friend in pain, but you can’t (or in my case, won’t) do it for yourself? How dumb is that? For me, I get stupidly stubborn and just soldier on in pain. I refuse all help and suffer—again, just stupid pride.

So if anyone reading this is as stubborn as I am and lets unwanted (and unnecessary) guilt into their heads, let’s decide to break out of that jail of guilt together. Why stay there? Does it make us feel any better? Of course not; it makes everything worse.

That wonderful phone call from my friend was a balm and a blessing. In her kind and sincere way, she suggested that I not guilt myself into thinking that everything that happens is my fault. I wouldn’t treat a friend of mine who was in pain the harsh and stubborn way I treat myself.

I am grateful to have heard what I needed to hear; it greatly helped me to just get over myself and my pride. Honestly, if that is the jail we put on ourselves, then we have the power to unlock the door and walk away.


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