I visited a dear friend of mine yesterday. As children, we met at summer camp, and have been friends ever since. It’s always a wonderful thing to know someone for that long; considering how long ago it was that we went to camp!
We got talking about how funny it is to be in our sixties. We agree that the sixties are not what they used to be; we think we both look pretty good for our age. And since we feel as young at heart as we did at camp, it’s always funny to realize that young people of course would consider us as fossils.
We talked about this in depth; mainly how to “work” our age. There is no denying that we are in our sixties, and we are too smart to dress and act like teenagers. We are light on the makeup, have great hair, and dress to please ourselves.
So, the question is this: when do we play the mean old lady card? Here are some examples of the appropriate use of it:
- You are in a electronics store with all the latest gadgets. All we want is a new charger for our not so up-to-date phone. We ask the young man (who, in our books is a mere larva) for help, and he immediately goes into snark mode. It is then that we give them the soul-crushing stink-eye; it sends an immediate message: “don’t screw with me, Sunny Jim.” Works every time.
- A perky little server comes to our table to take our order, and—she calls us “honey,” “sweetheart,” “deary,” “darling,” and so on. We give her the dead-eye stare and tell her our real grown-up names, and then call her “precious baby.”
- You are looking for a nice used vehicle. You have done your homework and know exactly what you want. A salesperson (notice that I did not say male or female here) comes up to help you. The first thing he/she asks is if our husband is around. This calls for the laser beam stare, plus a pithy comment about how the husband is resting in peace in the freezer. The salesperson will either 1) run, 2) laugh nervously, or 3) start treating you with a bit more respect.
It is said that with age comes wisdom. I say that it also comes with a large portion of “I’m not here to impress anybody,” “watch your mouth, kid,” and the old favorite: “I’m a lot older than you and a whole lot meaner than you can possible imagine.”
So, be advised: us sixties (and seventies and eighties and nineties) gals have been around for a long time and believe us; we have been there and done that. We invented the stink-eye, the vicious-yet-sugary comment, and the impression that we can reach down your throat and yank up your kidneys in a New York minute.
We ladies of a “certain age” are the people your mother warned you about.