Fatso Fogarty Strikes Again

We have fed birds and squirrels all through the warm months; the Crankee Yankee had hung up a wooden feeder in the garden on one of our iron trellises. It hung on a thick rope, and, even though the squirrels gnawed a semi-circle on one side of the feeder, it still held birdseed.

Until yesterday morning. Someone (and I’m thinking it was Fatso Fogarty the squirrel and ring leader of most of the outdoor mayhem) chewed the rope the feeder was hanging from, and the whole shebang crashed into the garden and broke into three separate segments. Well, that’s gratitude for you! The Crankee Yankee cleaned up the mess, and put out a small tray of birdseed, and we let it go at that.

But we’ve always known that squirrels are destructive little buggers. Last winter, we put out suet cakes (store bought; I’m not cooking for squirrels!) filled with nuts and fruit. They are pretty solid, so they keep their structure well. In the cold weather, the birds and squirrels and such need the extra fat and protein. We found that we had to literally nail the cakes to the feeder out back so that the squirrels wouldn’t run off with each and every one.

Talk about entitlement! I swear that, if we had a squirrel cam out there, we would see the real truth. For all we know, the squirrels have a luxury condo community with large stashes of suet cakes, nuts, fruit, tiny little booties and mittens, and color TVs and Wifi.

I think that they might have overplayed their hand on the night they trashed the bird feeder. Who knows what other fiendish plots they have up their furry little sleeves? Perhaps Fatso Fogarty is the mob boss of all our local squirrels.

Ah well, I’m not going to worry too much about it unless a gang of them shows up at the door, demanding “protection” money…


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