Suitable Insults for Suitable People

A dear friend of mine had recently asked me what I would call a person who is uncouth, reprehensible, mean-spirited, rude, obnoxious, etc. I have several appellations that should cover any type of lout, including “lout,” but there are many, many more.

With the possible exception of “ass hat,” “ass face” and “ass head,” there are more cultured ways of calling out someone who is uncouth, reprehensible, mean-spirited, rude, obnoxious, etc.

The best part of more “high brow” name-calling is that you are not actually swearing; you’re just calling someone out.

Here are some of my favorites:

Lout – an uncouth or aggressive person.

Oaf – a stupid, uncultured, or clumsy person.

Boor – an unrefined, ill-mannered person.

Barbarian – pretty much like a boor.

Crapsack – a person who is literally full of crap.

Pillock – a very stupid or foolish person (popular in England).

Twit – a silly or foolish person. (Also popular in England)

*Fart catcher – An obsequious servant, waiter, or sales assistant; one who continually follows closely behind their employer/customer, fawning and pathetically eager to please.

There are many, many more, and they come from all over the world. The best thing about these types of insults is that they are not the usual **Anglo-Saxon swears that we hear way too often. While they are certainly satisfying to say, they are pretty uncouth.

It’s good to know a few un-Anglo-Saxon swears here and there. You never know when you’ll need to swear in polite company.

*From Urban dictionary.

**I really hate to admit it, but these particular swears are so satisfying that it’s easy to drop the occasional f-bomb in the wrong company. When I am around my granddaughters, I have a whole other repository of “suitable swears.” Here are a few:

  • frickity-frackity
  • flooberty-dooberty
  • raxicoriafalapretorius (this is from Doctor Who; it is the name of the planet that is home to the Slitheen race.)
  • boogarty
  • flip, flop, flap
  • ding-dang
  • crudzilla



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