“But I’m Just Being Honest!”

Oh, how that line can cover a multitude of bad behavior! I once had a friend who was convinced that she could run my life far better than I could on my own. She was always quick to say that I was doing this, that or the other thing wrong, so she felt that she had to show me the “right way” of doing things. The conversation would always end with this: “I’m just being honest.”

Since we were friends at the time, I simply took her at her word, and let her run right over me. I was pretty insecure at the time, and she seemed so much wiser than me. At the time, I was too worried about hurting her feelings or not “validating” her (this last was one of her most frequent sayings) to speak up. I was too young to realize what was happening; it never occured to me that she could be dead wrong about me.

Some people we meet in our lives sort of take us over. This now ex-friend was akin to a Venus fly trap. Like the Venus fly trap, the victim gets lured in to the plant’s open jaws, which snap shut on the victim, and there is no escape. The victim is slowly digested. The Venus fly trap gets fed, and the victim gets dead.

During the time that we were friends she would alternately be kind to me or critical of me. Not only was this confusing, but it was unsettling as well. It took me years to realize that I was really ok as I was and didn’t need any outside help. I finally unerstood that this “friend” was no friend at all.

It has been several years since I’ve seen her, but she has written me emails  a few times. It is clear that she has no idea of the harm she caused, but then, at the time, I was too intimidated to speak up. This was a life lesson for me, and since then I have avoided people like this; I now call them what they really are: energy vampires.

By the way, I responded to her last email to me, asking that she not contact me again. Of course I received an aggrieved answer from her saying that I would never hear from her again.

Good riddance.

2 thoughts on ““But I’m Just Being Honest!”

  1. pamkirst2014 says:

    My gosh, Jane–we were just talking about this. It can get to be almost pathologic, that using of ‘honesty’ as a club. And then the defense to the harsh hurting of someone close is, “Well, I was just being HONEST,” as if destruction were a virtue…

    I had a friend way back in the day who prefaced nasty remarks with, “No offense, but….” as if that little intro would take away all sting…or at least, all liability. We’re no longer friends, of course.

  2. lulujbf7 says:

    Oh, boy—I hear you on that one! Honesty in the wrong hands really is a club, isn’t it? It’s hard to fathom some people…

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