Yesterday the Crankee Yankee kindly made a royal breakfast of whole wheat pancakes studded with walnuts and blueberries and a generous side of bacon while we watched the royal wedding of Prince Harry and the lovely Meghan Markle. This makes the third royal wedding for me; I have watched and wept through them all; Harry and Meghan, William and Kate, and of course Prince Charles and Diana Spencer.
Imagine all it must take to put such a glorious occasion together, not to mention the time it takes for the actual service. Imagine for a moment having all the eyes of the world upon what is usually a rather private occasion. Imagine how even the rich and famous must feel on the day they marry the one they love with all their hearts.
Who ever we are, rich or poor, famous or not, we go to our wedding day with hope and love, butterflies in our stomachs and visions of how our lives will go on together. We may want children or not. We may want a large house and gardens, or we may be just as happy together in a tiny apartment in a big city.
Marriage and or having children is not for everyone. Many people are happy enough to live alone and make a life they alone design. Some people fear being alone and may “marry in haste and repent at leisure.” Some may jump into marriage without thinking things through to their possible conclusion; some overthink it and never marry at all.
Whether or not to marry is first an individual decision, and then an agreement with another person. It does not mean that each person has to think exactly as their partner, but that they can come together over the barriers that could divide them. Compromise is definitely part of a good marriage. And if one person has some “deal breaker” issues, then the other person must decide if they can live with this or not.
In general, we come to our own marriages with love, joy and anticipation. Those of us who had a first marriage fail as mine did can be trepidatious of a second marriage, but that’s where the leap of faith comes in. After my first failed marriage, I got cold feet on my wedding day to the Crankee Yankee.
My mother and I had planned the wedding together; it was in my parents’ backyard. We had happily collected mis-matched champagne glasses from Good Will, my mother made the wedding cake, and my dad took all the pictures. Our friends, neighbors and relatives came to celebrate with us, and let’s just say that my Mom and Dad were very happy that I was marrying a man that they already considered a son.
Since my first marriage had fallen apart, I had felt like a failure, and I had had a huge attack of the “how-could-I-be-so-stupids.” As my dad walked me around to the backyard, I said “I don’t know about this, Dad.” He gripped my arm tight and said, “Oh no you don’t—this is the right time and the right guy. Let’s go!”
So I did and have never regretted a moment of our lives together since. Oh, like any other couple, we have had our ups and downs, but we have grown together and learned together. In fact, on this coming Friday, May 25, we will celebrate our 16th anniversary. I don’t regret a moment.
In the words of Ogden Nash, one of my favorite poets, here is one of the best pieces of advice about keeping a marriage strong:
“To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.”