My family has always been famous (or infamous) for loving black humor. Yes, it’s awful and it’s tasteless, but it’s funny in a dark way….a VERY dark way.
One day my mother and I were talking about smallpox, of all things. Mom told me that she read somewhere that, were smallpox to be let loose upon the world now, it would probably wipe out everyone under 30. Immune deficiency, don’t you know.
To which my mother muttered, “how bad would that be?” And then she said, “don’t you dare tell anyone I said that!” Of course, I told everyone; all of whom laughed their heads off.
Yes, I know that’s just awful, but that’s black humor for you. To this day it still makes me laugh. It makes everyone I’ve ever told it to laugh as well.
And from Quora, there are these gems:
“Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.”
Patient: “Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.”
Doctor: “Don’t worry. Mine too.”
Titanic: “And I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!”
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a pit bull?
Just the pit bull.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some road-kill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
“Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”
“To the morgue.”
“What? But I’m not dead yet!”
“And we’re not there yet.”
My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well, Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”
We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.
Little Johnny: “Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?“
Mother: “No, you’ll be getting turkey, like every year!“
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Doctor to a patient: “I have good and bad news for you. Which one would you like to hear first?”
“The good one please.”
“I found the diagnosis of your illness, it means you have two days to live.”
“And the bad one?”
“I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
Patient: “Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.”
Doctor: “Since when have you had this condition?”
Patient: “What condition?”
*From Dictionary.com: “black humor is a