*Jokes for English Majors and Other Twits

If you follow this blog, you’ll know that I am a self-confessed grammar nazi. So you can imagine how happy I was to find so many grammar jokes! Being both a grammar nazi and a twit, I wanted to share these with you. Enjoy!

Q: What do you say when you are comforting a grammar nazi?
A: There, Their, They’re.

Q: What’s another name for Santa’s elves?
A: Subordinate Clauses.

Q: How does an English teacher punish a valley girl?
A: Assign a 10-15 page research paper on the bastardization of the word “like.”

Q: What is Grammar?
A: The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.

Q: How do you spell mousetrap?
A: C-A-T.

Q: “What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?”
A: “The C”

Q. What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A: A teapot.

Q: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
A: Rubber-band — because it stretches.

Q: What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?
A: Expla-nation.

Q: Name a bus you can never enter?
A: A syllabus.

Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (There is a mile between the first letter and the last letter.)

A teacher writes on a chalkboard the sentence: “A woman without her man is nothing” The teacher then asks the boys to punctuate it properly, and they all write: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.” The teacher asks the girls to punctuate it and they write: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

A Texan was visiting Harvard University, and was lost. He stopped a student and asked, “Do you know where the library is at?”

“I sure do,” replied the student, “But, you know, you’re not supposed to end sentences with prepositions.”


“Prepositions. You ended your sentence with an ‘at’, which you aren’t supposed to do.”

“Oh, ok,” said the Texan, “Do you know where the library is at, jerk?

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

“Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

“I’m a panda,” he says at the door. “Look it up.”

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation. “Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”

*Joke source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/schooljokes


One thought on “*Jokes for English Majors and Other Twits

  1. Jodi says:

    love it!!! a bit of a grammar nazi myself. 🙂 (as i use all lower case here lol!)

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