Does Anyone Remember Groucho Marx?

When I was a child, I loved the Marx brothers, especially*Groucho Marx. Besides being in movies with his brothers Harpo, Chico, Gummo and Zeppo, Groucho had a show called “**You Bet Your Life.”

But what I loved best about him was his sharp wit. The quotes below are a short compilation of some of Groucho’s most famous sayings. I hope that they make you both laugh and think. Enjoy!

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.”

“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

“Humor is reason gone mad.”

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”

“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others.”

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be.”

“If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.”

“I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.”

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”

“Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, and I’m going to be happy in it.”

“Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.”

“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”

“While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”

“I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.”

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”

“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”

“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”

“Whatever it is, I’m against it.”

*Julius Henry Marx, known professionally as Groucho Marx, was an American comedian, film and television star. He was known as a master of quick wit and is widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era.

**You Bet Your Life is an American quiz show that aired on both radio and television. The original and best-known version was hosted by Groucho Marx of the Marx Brothers, with announcer and assistant George Fenneman. The show debuted on ABC Radio on October 27, 1947, then moved to CBS Radio debuting October 5, 1949, before making the transition to NBC-TV and NBC Radio on October 4, 1950. Because of its simple format, it was possible to broadcast the show simultaneously on radio and television. June 10, 1960 was the last episode aired in its radio broadcast format. For its final season debuting September 22, 1960, the TV show was renamed The Groucho Show and ran a further year.



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