Back in college, I and my friends did a fair amount of drinking. We sometimes went to parties at fraternities and sororities, but the best fun was when we gathered at a friend’s house just off campus. She and her husband weren’t much older than we were, and we had some good times there.
We would bring spaghetti and sauce and garlic bread, and they would supply the salad, drinks, and dessert. We listened to our favorite records, danced, told jokes, and had a lot of fun.
At one memorable party around Halloween, our hosts invented a new drink sensation called Green Machines. Basically it was the cheapest vodka they could find, lime soda, and at least four gallons of lime sherbet floating on top like lost islands.
All of this mix went into a brand new clean (and green) plastic garbage bin. (Note: any drinks made in a garbage bin, no matter how new or how clean, means that you are going to drink far more than you need to, and wake up with a pounding headache.)
There was also a big plastic dipper hanging off the side of the bin. You could either drink from the dipper, or pour yourself a cup; either way, we always drank too much.
One morning after, when my friends and I were moaning about our headaches and chewing aspirin, we came across the following song, which still cracks me up to this day:
“*One evening in October
When I was five fifths sober
Taking home a load with manly pride,
My poor feet began to stutter
So I lay down in the gutter,
And a pig come up and lay down by my side.
Then we sang it’s all fair weather
When good fellers get together,
Till a lady passing by was heard to say,
‘You can tell a man who boozes
By the company he chooses,’
So the pig got up and slowly walked away.
Yes, the pig got up and slowly walked away
Yes, the pig got up and without a word to say.
He looked at me and thought
That he would leave me where I lay
And that same old pig a lesson taught to me,
And that was not to be a bigger pig than he
So I hopped next day on the water cart to stay
Since the pig got up and slowly walked away!”
I have always remembered this song, and have never had a drink out of a garbage bin since.
You have been warned.
*As recorded by JOHNNY BOND