I recently read this; “‘bashert’ is Yiddish for ‘meant to be together.'” Doesn’t that just say it all? When you are with someone you love and care for, whether it is for 10 years or 60 years, you get that ‘meant to be’ rightness of it all. And when that other person leaves your life through death, the feeling of bashert is still strong. The connection is still there.
‘Bashert’ resonated with me. It gave a name to what I have been feeling since my mother died on December 16 last year. Although I miss the sound of her voice and the sight of her smile, I know with my whole soul that she is still with me. She is free from the pain of the cancer that claimed her, free from worry, free from fear; she is free in all ways. In that freedom she can check in on my dad and me, and all those whom she loved.
The feeling of ‘meant to be together’ transcends death. Of course, there is grief. It’s not that you ever get over grief, you just learn how to live with it. It’s a lot like losing an arm or a leg; you are not the same any longer, but you can still survive well. The fact that we and those who have gone on are now in different planes of existence does not mean that we cannot still feel that never-ending love.
Just that simple word, ‘bashert,’ has already brought me peace and comfort. Going on the supposition that we choose our parents before we are born; we choose those who will help us evolve into the people we want/need to be. My mother used to tell me about her own growing up. She was the last of five children; a “surprise” her mother was not happy about. Her mother adored her sons, but wasn’t at all happy about having this one last girl.
But, as Mom said, although her childhood was hard and sometimes unhappy, she declared that it made her the strong person she became. She felt she had chosen people who would make sure that she would be strong and independent, and boy–was she!
There are deep mysteries we are not given to know while on earth, but my own belief is that we are in “school” during our time on earth. Here is where we learn how to use the gifts and talents we were given. Here is where we meet those who will be significant in our lives. Here is where we learn who we are and why we are here. Here is where we learn ‘bashert.’
I have referenced this before, but it bears repeating again:
“*Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come.”
*From William Wordsworth’s “Ode — Intimations of Immortality for Recollections of Early Childhood”