“Just Do It My Way and We’ll All Be Happy!”

Anyone who has ever lived with another person thinks this at least a dozen times a day: “just do things my way and we’ll all be happy!” You may love this person with all your heart and soul, but trust me–the day will come when you will snap and hear those words burst from your mouth like water from a fire hose.

This stems from the seldom-admitted fact that many of us truly feel that our way to do things is the only way to do things. (As I no longer work, I find I am more stubborn about this than I used to be…..oh, who am I kidding? I have ALWAYS been this way!)

Here are some examples of what I have either thought or said during certain situations with the Crankee Yankee:

  • When opening a box of cereal, don’t just rip open one corner; it makes the cereal spill everywhere. Cut it straight across the top–much neater and more efficient. (And don’t forget to put a clip on it so that bugs don’t get in it!)
  • When you are sitting at the desk and blow your nose with the tissues I so thoughtfully keep there, do NOT leave a wad of snotty used tissues on the desk. There is a wastebasket literally inches away. THROW THEM OUT!
  • After using every ladle and spatula in the house when you cook, could you please rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher instead of leaving them everywhere on the stove, dripping with goo (or worse–hardened goo), when the spoon rest (a big one, too) is RIGHT on the stove?
  • Your side of the desk is the right side. Mine is the left side. Keep your crap on your own side.
  • You may think that folding up a bunch of paper towels and stacking them on the table beside your recliner is “just as good” as a box of tissues, but it all looks like trash to me. Either stick the damn things in your pockets or throw them out.
  • Every fork, spoon, knife and kitchen utensil has its place. When I look for the can opener, I know it’s in the second drawer. So why can’t I find my measuring spoons, my nice little tiny spatula or my egg slicer? WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM? (Note: they have never been found. I don’t know what the hell he did with them.)
  • When you ask me where the butter is when you yourself have put away dozens of butter boxes in the second shelf of the refrigerator door–please know that I am going to give you a sarcastic answer such as, “Oh, the butter? It’s under the sink with the cleaning products.” Sheesh.

….and so on. I do realize that all this only points out my obsession with how things should be in the house. But dang it, someone has to establish a little law and order in the kitchen! And it may as well be me because, well–my way WORKS.




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