I believe that there is such a thing as “bediquette,” that is, polite bed behavior. Bediquette means the following:
- Not hogging all the blankets
- Not sticking like glue to the other person like an over-enthusiastic octopus
- Not snoring in the other person’s ear
- Not “poinking” the other person’s legs with their overgrown toenails
- Not staying on their own side
- Not hurling themselves from side to side, waking the other person
- Not placing their icy feet on the backs of the other person’s legs when coming back from the bathroom
…and so on. Now I’m not pointing fingers, but I do think that our one female cat, Nala, may be the cause of most of these bediquette atrocities. The Crankee Yankee always goes to bed before I do, and when I finally get to bed myself, I will have patted and kissed and said goodnight to all four cats–none of whom are in our bed at the time.
However, when we are asleep Nala likes to jump up on the bed and snuggle in as close to the Crankee Yankee as possible. According to him, as the night progresses, whenever he moves over a bit, she follows him. This goes on until Nala ends up with most of the bed. Of all our cats, she is the smallest, but definitely the pushiest.
We have a king-size bed, which has plenty of room for us both. Well, put it this way: it’s enough room for us to sleep comfortably and not encroach on each other’s space, or it’s big enough for all four cats to sleep on at the same time. But the formula seems to fall apart when you add one or two cats along with two people.
At this point, you might be thinking, ‘well, why don’t you just close the bedroom door?’ Trust me–that doesn’t work. We have a pocket door to the bedroom and it can certainly be closed. However, at least one cat (not naming names here) has figured out how to make the most noise in trying to roll the door open. There is scratching and howling, followed by juddering the door from below with one paw.
Oh, and if you’re now thinking, ‘why don’t you toss something at the door to scare the cat away?” Nope. Tried it and the cat keeps coming back. By that time, everyone is awake so there’s no point in trying to go back to sleep. So we get up, and blearily start the day. By this time all four cats have lined up in front of us, saying with all four sets of eyes, “well, as long as you’re up, how about breakfast?”
Cats know NOTHING about bediquette.