The World According to the Crankee Yankee

The Crankee Yankee has a set of rules for living that may not work for us all, but they certainly work for him. If anyone reading this is an NCIS fan, you’ll remember that Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs believes strongly in his set of rules for life. So does the Crankee Yankee.

The following are ten of his Gibbsian rules:

Rule #1: Always show your love to family and friends, and help them out whenever possible.

Rule #2: When driving, lead, follow or get out of the way. This means that, if the person behind you is edging up on your bumper, they’re a jerk. Same for the person in front of you who is driving too slowly. That person, too, is a jerk.

Rule #3: Share the knowledge. This includes teaching perfect strangers in the grocery store that a dented can in the mark-down section has nothing wrong with it, that it’s always best to pick out a good chuck roast and have the butcher grind it for you–better hamburger that way, and that the “used” (that is, not picture-perfect, a few dings and bruises) vegetables are just as good; they’re cheaper and they’re going into a soup anyway, so who cares?

Rule #4: Remember that the sweetest words you can say to your wife (besides “I love you,” of course) is “don’t worry–I’ll take care of it.”

Rule #5: As long as you’re working on a house project, it’s best to leave the necessary tools out until the project is done–no matter how long it takes.

Rule #6: Always feed the stray animals in the neighborhood. (BTW, this is how we got the two indoor/outdoor cats, Plumpy-Nut and Tinker)

Rule #7: Keep your eyes open for any strange vehicles or people in the neighborhood. Make sure that they know that you are watching; it keeps them on their toes in case they’re up to something.

Rule #8: Always use coupons–even if you have to go out of your way to use them.

Rule #9: There is always a valid reason for taking the office or kitchen scissors and not putting them back when you’re done….because you will probably need them later. The collateral damage is that your wife will be pissed off that they are not where they are supposed to be.

Rule #10: Everything will get done….eventually. In the meantime, don’t worry–there is a plan.

So, there you have it. I’ll share more of the Crankee Yankee’s wisdom again because just when you think you know all the rules, there are MORE of them.



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