The Strange Children Alphabet

A is for Andrew,

Who sat on a shrew,

Which bit off his boy bits

And now none of his pants fit.

B is for Barlow,

Who was daft as a swallow,

And ate funny things

Like corks and erasers and butterfly wings.

C is for Cheryl,

Who knocked over a barrel

Of strong spicy pickles

To this day, the smell of them gives her the tickles.

D is for Dylan,

Who was perfectly willin’

To eat up all the spaghetti

At supper, and left none for sister Betty.

E is for Ellie,

Who filled up her belly

With baked beans and fruit

Which, whenever she walked, made her toot.

F is for Frankie,

Whose shoes made him cranky

So he conveniently lost them

And forgot where he tossed ’em.

G is for Gwennie,

Who, for a penny

Would burp on demand,

With all of the dignity she could command.

H is for Helen,

Whose great fault was yellin’

From morning til night

When her folks locked her in for the night.

I is for Isolde,

Whose dresses smelt moldy

She said, “I don’t care if they smell;

You can all go to hell!”

J is for Julian,

A regular little hooligan–

Who chewed so much gum

That dozens of bubbles floated out of his bum.

K is for Karen,

Who, when sent on an errand

Insisted on dragging her feet

Til the soles of her shoes melted in the heat.

L is for Larry,

Whose ears were so hairy

That small birds began to pester him

To let them nest in them.

M is for Mattie,

Whose clothes were quite ratty.

Clean clothes he eschewed–

And said he was not in the mood.

N is for Nancy,

Whose hair was quite fancy–

She wore it in such an elaborate updo

It took a terribly long time each morning to do.

O is for Olly,

Whose imaginative folly

Made him make strange faces

In unlikely places.

P is for Pippa,

Whose dresses had zippers

From her neck to her knee

But never unzipped, per her mother’s decree.

Q is for Quentin,

Who always at Lenten

Gave up broccoli and spinach

Saying he was Finnish and Finnish don’t eat spinach.

R is for Ruth,

Who never told the truth

About how she had a pig for a pet,

And smelled as bad as a litter box at the vet.

S is for Sydney,

Who hated beans shaped like kidneys

He claimed that his revulsion

For them gave him convulsions.

T is for Tillie,

Whose laughter was silly–

It made those around her

Want to surround her and pound her.

U is for Uma,

Who said that she’d sooner

See a pig ride a horse

Than finish her homework for her algebra course.

V is for Vlad,

Who swore that his mom and his dad

Turned into black bats at night

And would come to your house to give you a fright.

W is for Wendy,

Who loved all things trendy–

Long dangle earrings

And frilly dresses with gauze wings.

X is for Xander,

Whose hair shed so much dander

That his clothes always looked dusty

(And it must be said–he smelled musty.)

Y is for Yolanda,

Who slept each night with a big stuffed panda.

She claimed that it kept her quite safe

From dragons and ghosts–although its fur made her chafe.

Z is for Zale,

Who claimed he ate nothing but kale,

Plus the odd sandwich, soup and some tarts

All which he blamed for his terrible farts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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