It’s Hot, Hot, HOT!

I don’t know if you are experiencing the same hot and humid weather that we in New Hampshire are experiencing, but as my grandfather used to say on a day like this, “It’s hotter than the hinges of Hades!”

I started looking around for quotes and one-liners about hot weather, and here they are. Enjoy them, and go get yourself a nice, cold drink.

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“What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.”(Jane Austen)

It’s so hot…

  • the robins are laying their eggs sunny side up.
  • all the water buffalo at the zoo have evaporated.
  • the trees are whistling for the dogs.
  • the birds had to pick up the worms with potholders.
  • I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walkin’.
  • farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
  • the HABANERO peppers in my garden are hunting for some shade.

You know it’s hot when:

  • Electric bills for A/C are more than the house payment.
  • You’ve canceled your Hotmail account because you didn’t like the name.
  • You refer only to a Celsius thermometer to enjoy summer temperatures that rarely exceed 35 degrees.
    Corn on the stalks starts popping and flying through the air.
  • Popsicles melt completely within 20 seconds of removing them from a container of dry ice.

More jokes:

“I can’t believe it,” said the intern sometime in the future.

“I’ve been in Washington, D.C. for most of the summer and it’s been excessively hot and humid the whole time. When do you have breaks with periods of cool/dry conditions, as my parents told me were common even back in the early 2000s?”

“Well, that’s hard to say,” replied the local. “Last year, it was on a Wednesday.”

Q: How hot is a Los Angeles summer? A: So hot that I saw a fire hydrant chasing a pack of dogs!

Q: What do you need to visit Death Valley, Arizona? A: Dental Records

Q: What are the only two seasons in Phoenix, Arizona? A: Hot and Hotter.

Q: What did the one pig say to the another at the beach? A: I’m bacon!

Q: Which is faster, heat or cold? A: Heat, because you can catch a cold!

How hot is it?

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

You start putting ice cubes in your water bed.

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

You can say 113 degrees without fainting.

Satan decided to take the day off.

The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

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Now, all that said, it still doesn’t feel as bad as it did when I lived in Texas. I read this once: “the white-hot lobotomy that is Texas in the summer.” Boy, were they right!

Stay cool, everyone!

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