These Are a Few of My Favorite Fears

I’m guessing that most of us have fears now and then; it’s kind of the human condition. Those and outright dislike of some things–my main ones being spiders, rollercoasters, wrecks under the water, clowns, stepping on a hermit crab in the dark (hey–it could happen!), dog drool, and high humidity.

Some fears can be discounted as just ridiculous, such as a zombie apocalypse, Godzilla, or the supermarkets running out of Cheetos. Some fears actually could happen; although it seems pretty remote, I guess there could be a tsunami at Hampton Beach, given the right conditions. I guess that, also given the right conditions, cats could grow thumbs and take over the world (think about it). I suppose that the alien overlords might become so sick of our continual warring that they might just land right on top of the White House with a super-giant-megaphone and say, “Ok, folks, you’ve have your fun, now we are taking over. Everyone go home and have a drink.”

These fears got so far into my head that I had to do something to take my mind off them. So I re-wrote the popular song, “*My Favorite Things,” thusly:

Sweat drops on noses and whiskers on my chin,

Unsmoothed-on makeup and eyebrows that frighten,

Perfume that makes my eyes break out in tears,

These are a few of my favorite fears.


Great big black spiders that hang from the ceiling,

Or jump out of curtains and set me squealing,

Earwigs and roaches and ants there and here,

These are a few of my favorite fears.


Girl scouts with cookies who want me to pay them,

For all those treats that cause much inner mayhem,

If I eat them I’ll look like the west hemisphere,

These are a few of my favorite fears.


When my back aches,

When my hips pop,

When I’m feeling base—

I simply remember my favorite fears

And then I’m a basket case!

(There now–MUCH better!)

*Rodgers And Hammerstein; “The Sound of Music”




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