“Good Grief–What DO You Have in Your Purse?!”

I am famous in my little circle of family and friends for having the heaviest purse. Oh, no–it isn’t that I carry wads of cash, gold bars and the odd uncut diamond, it’s just that I like to be prepared for anything from diapering a baby to launching an invasion (well, you just never know, do you?).

No matter how many purses I have, they are all pretty much the same design; squarish, large, shoulder straps and a zip across the top. I prefer microfiber to leather–as much as I love leather, it makes the bag too heavy (yes, even for me). As a matter of fact, it could be that after carrying heavy purses for years caused at least one of my rotator cuffs to snap.

So what makes my purse so dang heavy, you may ask? Besides my wallet, keys, cell phone, several neatly folded flowered hankies, my reading glasses, notepad and two pens (in case the first one poops out on me), address book and two hand fans, one paper, one sandalwood, there is also a pretty pink and green flowered makeup bag. I believe that this item alone is the culprit. In it is the core of my personal emergency stash, consisting (today, anyway) of the following:

  • two lipsticks, red and pink
  • one Burts Bees lip balm
  • an extra eyebrow pencil and brush
  • a pillbox
  • breath mints
  • small dental floss (again, one never knows)
  • moist towelettes
  • my lucky moonstone
  • nail clippers
  • tiny Swiss Army knife
  • a jewelers’ loupe
  • cough drops
  • a goodish-sized compact mirror
  • a packet of crystallized ginger
  • a small tube of hand cream
  • a 6″ ruler
  • sunscreen
  • a few bandaids

The front of my current purse (lime microfiber) also sports three buttons, one that features a surprised-looking black cat with the word “Dang!” over his head, a yellow button that states “Piss Off!” and a pink button featuring a cute purple kitten with a discreet little cloud coming out of its butt (cat fart, get it?). Now these and everything else in my purse in and of themselves aren’t all that heavy. But put them all together and it makes a pretty heavy bag.

I can hear you saying, “why do you want all that stuff in your bag for? Plus it’s probably not doing your shoulder any good!” to which I reply, “But I might NEED any or all of these things!” Also, people with me may need my stuff–again, you just never know.

Sigh…I was probably a big snail in a previous life, and now can’t shake the habit of carrying all my stuff with me. That’s my explanation, and I’m sticking to it.

 

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