Don’t Hold in a Sneeze or a Fart

Don’t hold in your sneezes,

Just sneeze them when they pleases–

For it’s widely known

That a sneeze unblown

Can rupture the bits you’d rather keep inside–

Like where your stomach, liver and spleen reside.

The damage done

Will be no fun,

Not to mention

All that tension!

Likewise don’t hold in farts

Or let them out in fits and starts–

Better out than in, I always say

(Although it’s not what Emily Post would say!)

I know it’s odd to talk of such rude stuff,

For which you may receive a cuff–

But please don’t hold it all inside

Until you’ve turned completely pop-eyed–

So, for health’s sake, just go ahead and fart your head off

We’ll all adjust and hold our noses aloft,

And look away whenever you sneeze,

And pretend it was just a passing breeze–

We can’t all be perfect all the time,

Except, perhaps in song and rhyme!

(And even then, a salty old hen like me

Will continue to pen these silly verses for all to see–

To make you laugh til you fart or sneeze,

And go on with your day however you please!)








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