Funny Stuff to Start the Day

I recently found this web site: http://www.surfersam.com/funny-stories. If you could use a  laugh this morning, take a look.

In the meantime, here are some from the site that cracked me up:

“A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View Restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.

At their reunion 10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the drinks were cheap, the restaurant offered free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover charge, and there were lots of cute guys.

At their reunion 10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the atmosphere was good, it was right near the gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn’t be too many whiny little kids.

At their reunion 10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters were younger.

10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of a hot flashes), and fish is good for cholesterol.

10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the lighting was good and the restaurant had an early bird special.

10 years later, the group of 75-years-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible.

10 years later, the group of 85-years-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they had never been there before.”

“Simple Home Remedies for you!

  1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
  2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
  3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
  4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
  5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
  6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
  7. You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
  8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

DAILY THOUGHT: Some people are like slinkies – not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.”

“One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of “tea,” which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was “just the cutest thing!”

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know . . … )

“‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?'”

 

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