Please Don’t Fist-Bump Me!

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but when did the ubiquitous fist-bump replace the handshake? Fist-bumping to me is in the frat guy parties/young people/sports events categories–not for me. I have even heard some people lauding the fist-bump because it’s more sanitary than shaking hands, or Heaven forbid–kissing! Quite frankly, I’d rather face the germs.

Don’t get me wrong–I think that some of the painstakingly choreographed fist-bump sequences you see on TV are both creative and hilarious. It’s just that it doesn’t suit me. It seems like I only just got used to the greetings that most adults do; shake hands, kiss both cheeks or just one cheek, hug, etc. That’s enough choice for me.

In the not-all-that-distant past, there were many forms of greetings, signs of respect, friendship and so on. There was bowing, courtesying, tugging one’s forelock, men tipping their hats, kissing the hand, and so on. Probably early cavemen bashed each other on the head with their clubs, grunted hello and went on their merry ways.

In my humble opinion, fist-bumping belongs to the young, or people with kids or grandkids. Our granddaughter, Ava, who will be four soon, thinks it’s hilarious when either the Crankee Yankee (my husband) or me does it with her. We have perfected the bump-pull back-explode-then implode fist-bump, also with the appropriate ka-boom sounds. As long as it makes Ava laugh, I’m “down” with it.

But in the main, I leave that sort of thing to the young and *hip folks. Recently I had a chat with a lovely young waiter about musical comedy and how much we loved them. We were just about to break into song when another party came into the restaurant and he had to serve them. He said that he had enjoyed talking with me, and then extended his fist for a bump.

I said, ‘oh, no, sweetie–ladies do not fist-bump.” So he kissed my cheek instead. I can live with that.

*The Crankee Yankee and I are “hip,” too, just not in the usual parlance. We have sore hips, wonky hips, hip pain and probably will eventually need hip replacements. So, yes–we ARE hip.



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