Trolls, Troglodytes, Nematodes and So On

Trolls, *troglodytes, **nematodes, oafs, boors, and dufusses comprise a large section of the population. Why is this important, you ask? Because there are so dang many of them! Let me explain.

We’ve all heard of spectrums regarding such things as autism or genius; the scale can go heavy or light. Well, there is a spectrum of annoying people as well; a sliding scale, if you will. None of them is truly evil or harmful, really–just annoying.

Here is a handy scorecard to keep track of who’s who, placed in order of the ability to annoy, the most annoying first:

Troll: Trolls enjoy making trouble, and are found in online chat rooms, message boards, and all types of social media. The only truly creative thing they do is to make up screen names, such as MajorTroll1, URallstoopid, OhGoStufURself, HaterAde, and so on. They live to stir up trouble, then sit back with a beer and chips to enjoy the ensuing fights. When the fights start to sputter out, the troll goes right back in to stir up the coals.

Troglodyte: Trogs are not as bright as trolls, and not as destructive. They don’t like to venture out beyond their comfort zone, they are suspicious by nature, and they don’t trust anything unfamiliar. They would prefer to live quietly and follow their own routine each day without interruption. They firmly believe that their way of living is the only way, and they resent those who do not agree with them. (Which basically means most of the planet.)

Nematode: Nematodes are small-minded and selfish. They will happily live off others as long as they can get away with it. This includes sleeping on your couch for free as long as they can, sneaking food from your refrigerator during the night, using your expensive shampoo without replacing it, ducking out on paying checks, and they often rifle through your purse for small bills they think you won’t miss.

Oaf: Oafs are a single step above boors. They are nose-picking, knuckle-dragging, slack-jawed folk who are the proverbial bulls in china shops. They step on peoples’ toes, leave a mess wherever they go, they break things, they leave grease and dirt stains on towels, they cut their toenails on your coffee table, and they leave the milk out to sour. Poor things–they just aren’t that smart.

Boor: Boors are a lesser form of your garden variety boob. They interrupt constantly, they demand things be done their way and won’t shut up until they do; they complain, whine and moan about every little thing, and they refuse to use soap or deodorant. (The only good thing about that is that you can smell them before you see them.)

Dufuss: The dufuss is, as they say in the South, just sorry and simple. They can’t do anything right. You can send them off to the store with a $20 bill and a shopping list with four things on it; butter, eggs, bread and coffee, and they’ll mess it up. They’ll have spent the entire $20 on hairspray, bubble gum, the National Enquirer, Cheez Whiz, saltines, marshmallows, a six-pack of Coke, and, for some reason, an entire ham.

I pass this information on because it took me years to figure these types of folk out and I want to save you some time. I mean, it’s not as if these people wear badges explaining who they are–because if they did, you wouldn’t depend on them for anything. You’d know right away that you’d be wasting your breath. It’s sort of like what they say about trying to teach a pig to sing: it does nothing but waste your time and annoy the pig.

*Troglodyte: a person characterized by reclusive habits or outmoded or reactionary attitudes

**Nematodes are the most numerous multicellular animals on earth. Free-living species are abundant, including nematodes that feed on bacteria, fungi, and other nematodes, yet the vast majority of species encountered are poorly understood biologically.

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3 thoughts on “Trolls, Troglodytes, Nematodes and So On

  1. Phyllis Ring says:

    Placed my last comment on the wrong post – ! Guess that puts me in the Dufuss category. 😉 This piece blew me away, wonderful Jane.

  2. lulujbf7 says:

    Thanks–and sorry, you do not meet the dufuss category. 🙂

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