I just read this on Jes Baker’s fabulous blog, The Militant Baker (if you haven’t heard of her, you should–check her out. She is easily one of the most fabulous women on the planet), this morning:
“I am so beautiful, sometimes people weep when they see me. And it has nothing to do with what I look like really, it is just that I gave myself the power to say that I am beautiful, and if I could do that, maybe there is hope for them too. And the great divide between the beautiful and the ugly will cease to be. Because we are all what we choose.” (Margaret Cho’s weblog, 03-23-06)
Hear, really HEAR, that phrase–“we are all what we choose.” Honestly, is this not the perfect way to lift ourselves up and out of all that soul-destroying self-hatred? It is just that simple to change, too, and here’s how in three easy steps:
- Look at yourself in the mirror–look right into your own eyes.
- Say any (or all!) of these phrases to your mirror image:
- “Hello, Beautiful!”
- “Hiya, Gorgeous!”
- “I’m GOOD!”
- “Everything about me is perfect!”
- “I am fabulous just the way I am.”
- “I am beautiful, wonderful, amazing and incredible.”
- “I am the very best ME I can be.”
- “I am a wonderful work in progress.”
- “I am so beautiful!”
If you feel funny at first, that’s natural. We are so used to continually bashing ourselves and complaining about our flaws that we forget to celebrate who we are. Just as self-deprecation can become a habit, so can positive reinforcement become our next best habit.
Doing this does not mean we are vain; it means we are confident about ourselves. (And yes, you can fake it ’til you make it, too.) Saying positive things to yourself does not take anything away from anyone else; it just adds confidence, happiness, joy and acceptance to you and to your life.
Habits are created over time; it takes only 30 days for a habit to become a habit. Trust me, if you keep on doing this simple positive exercise each day, your outlook on yourself will change. You will see beauty where you couldn’t before, not only in yourself but in others.
So does this mean that we give up trying to be healthy, more fit, smarter, etc.? Certainly not. It only means that we start and end each day by being loving to ourselves. If we are full of love for ourselves, that love will spill over to others; those close to us, those we only see now and then, and all other humans. It makes life sooooooo much easier. Doing this positive exercise will, over time, make us realize that the person who just cut us off in traffic did not start their day by wanting to make us miserable. Often we cannot understand our own pain, much less another person’s pain. The rudeness and carelessness of others as a rule is truly not personal.
It took me a while to perform this exercise, but now I do it without thinking. I have come to love and appreciate all things about myself. (I’m not blind; I see all the wrinkles and female whiskerage around my mouth, all those squirrelly little white hairs in my formerly dark hair, but so what?) Please understand that I am not advocating that we do nothing to make ourselves look and feel better, only just to be more accepting of ourselves.
What do you have to lose? Try the exercise–give it a good 30 days. If you are like everyone else I know (including myself), it will be hard to meet your own eyes–at first. But keep on trying–don’t give up. You are worth the effort, and I don’t care if you have a purple unicorn horn sticking out three feet from your forehead–YOU ARE WORTH IT. Add that to the daily phrases and say it loud: “I AM WORTH IT!”