Paper Towel Noses and Other Annoyances

There are some things in life that bug me for no other reason than that they just DO. Here are some of the heavy hitters for our household annoyances:

  • Paper Towel Noses: these happen when you buy those rolls of paper towels with perforations in them so that you can simply tear off a half sheet. Great idea–unless someone is careless and leaves one of those long triangular “paper towel noses.” Personally, I can’t rest until I’ve destroyed it.
  • Toothpaste Goobers: these are the globs of toothpaste left in the sink by a careless person. If left long enough, they turn to cement and you have to chisel them off.
  • Soap Curlies: these happen when someone washes their lower forty last and leaves the evidence embedded in the soap.
  • Tine Stickies: these happen when whoever feeds the cats leaves bits of meaty goo on the fork tines. They, like toothpaste goobers, turn to cement. And they stink.
  • Food Boogers: this happens when someone forgets that we have no garbage disposal. The stray onion strings, potato peelings and chunks of tomato stuff up the drain, and then someone has to fish them out (usually ME). Urgh.
  • Splatter Cement: this happens when someone making spaghetti sauce, soup, etc., leaves blots and splashes of it to harden on the stove.
  • Coffee Wee-Wee: this usually happens early in the morning when we are too tired or distracted by cats hollering for their breakfast to pour a cup of coffee straight. This leaves rings and splashes that look like the aftermath of a paint ball session.
  • TPLs (Toilet Paper Lice): I hate to get too graphic in my posts, but this must be brought to light. Long and disgusting story short, when one cleans one’s hindquarters too assiduously after “the event,” the toilet paper wads up into little balls and spliffs. These often fall where they may. Ewwww.
  • Mud Clots: These happen when people wearing work boots with lots of ‘waffling’ on the soles (think of actual waffle-holes) track in mud and dirt. The mud and dirt pack handily into the waffling in the soles and just as handily drop out once the wearer walks indoors. 
  • Rubber Cement Boogers: You how you get your new debit card or AARP card or whatever-card in the mail? It comes attached to the paper with rubber cement. The Crankee Yankee (my husband) loves to pull these off the paper, roll them up into roundish ‘boogers’ and place them in hilarious places such as my keyboard or the phone receiver.
  • Shower Curtain Liner Mold Blossoms: This occurs when a wet shower curtain liner gets stuck to the shower curtain for too long. Prolonged contact gives birth to ugly blackish mold ‘blossoms.’ Time to get the bleach out!
  • Computer Screen Snow: This happens over time–the computer screen is victim to sneezes, coughs, bug splats, etc., and pretty soon you’re looking at images of Hawaiian beaches that somehow are covered in snow.
  • Paper Towel Wads: The Crankee Yankee is famous for this one. He carefully folds up a sheet of paper towel and puts it in his pocket (note: this is repeated for each and every pocket in each and every pair of pants). These wads can be used to pick up a sudden spill, catch a sneeze, sop up coffee spray, etc. Unfortunately, I seldom think to look for them when doing the laundry. The result is that the former paper towel wads morph into white shreds that cling to EVERY piece of clothing in the dryer.
  • Cat Foofies: These are the constant fluffs of fur that end up everywhere in our house. Our one long-haired cat, Plumpy-Nut, is the main perpetrator. His attitude about it is this: “Hey, I could have swallowed these, but I didn’t, therefore saving you hundreds of dollars in vet bills.” Sigh–he does have a point.

And so it goes….


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