We’ve all heard from our moms or grand-moms: “Be sure you have on clean (also non-holey, non-stained, non-ratty) underpants just in case you get in an accident!”
I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that, if I get into a serious accident, I will probably void all the orifices in my body–all at once. So, wouldn’t it be smarter to save those really nice panties for a special non-accident occasion? If I do get into a major accident, the ER folks will probably cut off all my clothes anyway. So why waste my good stuff on people who will probably throw my torn-up clothes into the toxic waste bin?
It’s not like I have a stash of Victoria’s Secret whoopee-wow undies anyway. My short-lived fling with thongs ended decades ago. As a noted female comic once said, “I spend most of my life trying to get my undies OUT of my butt-crack; why on earth would I buy underwear that will end up there on purpose?”
At a certain age, coverage is not only a good thing–it’s a GREAT thing. In fact, as a sidebar to this entry, if I could invent the perfect underwear for me now, it would be a really good bra that starts at my thighs and goes all the way up to my neck.
But back to the whole ‘wear clean underwear just in case’ argument, I really don’t think that the good folks who save lives daily in the ER would blink twice at a pair of hole-y, stained, ratty underpants. Quite frankly, I’d a whole lot rather have them laugh their heads off about the state of my droopy-assed underpants and save my life. In fact, I may have the following phrase tattooed on my back that reads, “Save ME, not my underwear!”
Seriously, people–let’s prioritize.
Love it! …. save those good “smalls” British term! for wearing on your head. : )
OMG you just crack me up!!