I have lived most of my life saying things like, ‘today is going to be just awful,’ or ‘I am such a loser!’ or ‘everyone thinks I’m an idiot,’ or ‘I look terrible,’ or ‘I am so dumb!’ or ‘I never win anything,’ or ‘no one will ever like me,’ or ‘you are such a know-it-all; do you even realize how ridiculous you are?’ and on and on and on.
Well, guess what–whatever you put out, you get back. Simply put, it’s “COCI” (Crap Out, Crap In); you put crappy thinking/words out there, guess what you get back? MORE OF THE SAME. So, if you are engaging in this senseless, self-destructive behavior, stop it right now. Seriously–just stop. You are literally hurting yourself and probably others.
Did you ever throw a stone into a pond? Once the stone drops in, the ripples run all the way out to the edge of the pond, and then ripple back. It is a law of physics that the ripples come back stronger than they went out. The same thing applies to us humans–what you put out, you get back even stronger.
What happens when you continually say these awful things to yourself? Just hearing the words over and over again like a poisonous mantra, makes you believe them. You actually become those terrible things you say about yourself. Worse, you create a palpable dirty energy field around yourself, like Pigpen from Peanuts.
Ask yourself this: would you say things like this to your best friend? Probably not. Most of us want our nearest and dearest friends to feel good about themselves. When your best friend says, ‘I look old/sad/fat/thin/whatever,’ you will rush in and say, ‘no, you don’t! You are beautiful/healthy/vital, etc.’ This is true because to you, that best friend IS all those things. You see what she can’t–that she is in every way beautiful, amazing, strong, witty, smart, and more. You see her without that critical eye that you cast on yourself.
So why not say good things to yourself? We are our own worst critics, and no one is harder on us than ourselves. We can stop being negative and hard on ourselves, and here’s how:
Look in the mirror, and instead of groaning and cataloging each and every flaw, say this out loud:
“Hello, Gorgeous/Smart/Wonderful/Amazing/Incredible/Fabulous/Terrific/<add your own kudo here>!” Say this every day at least once.
That’s it. That’s the beginning of change from negative to positive. Gradually add things such as “I am loved” or “I am great at what I do” or “I am appreciated” or “I am strong and healthy,” and so on. You can add whatever you like, just keep it positive! If someone pays you a compliment; say, about the shoes you have on, DO NOT say, ‘oh, these old things? I got them out of a dumpster.’ DO say ‘thanks!’ This builds you up and also acknowledges the person’s compliment. Recognizing and responding positively to a compliment is a gift you give back to the giver. They feel good about giving it, and will probably do it again. Remember, whatever goes out comes back.
Long story short, I stopped saying bad things about myself. I am well aware of my age and all the strange and weird things that have happened to my once-flawless face and body. I know all too well that there are many things I can’t do any more, and I have long since come to terms with the fact that I laugh like a hyena in heat. Here is how I changed from negative to positive.
I began taking courses from an amazing teacher, and the courses changed my life. The courses taught me how to do these things for myself. I had never thought about how much influence I have on my own life. As with anything else we learn, we need someone to show us the way to change, and to help us make those changes ourselves. Each of us has the ability to change our attitudes, outlook, self-image, relationships; everything. We do not need to be victims of circumstance, mood, or what others do or say.
Even things that are out of our control; say, on the way to work there is roadwork going on that slows traffic down to a crawl. Although we can’t change the fact of the roadwork, what we CAN change is our attitude about it. If we sit there fussing and fuming about being late, getting ourselves all worked up over something we can do nothing about, all we’re doing is sending our blood pressure sky high, setting ourselves up for a bad day, and as an extra little treat, probably giving ourselves wrinkles.
In situations like these, find something that soothes you while you wait; music (sing along with show tunes!), books on tape (my personal favorite), instructional books on tape (hey, you could be sitting in that line of traffic learning Portuguese!), playing the harmonica (I always keep one in the car), teaching yourself to whistle the Star Wars theme, and so on. (I do not recommend texting or even talking on your cell phone–you still need to pay attention to what’s going on around you) So what does this do? It takes you OUT of the negative and INTO the positive.
So, the truth is that we all have the power to change our attitudes and outlooks. We can choose not to go into a bad mood, not to give in to negativity, not keep on berating ourselves for that last failed relationship. Whatever has happened, look at it, try your best to see your role in it, learn from it, let it go and move on. Anything that keeps us from living a good life is harmful to us. Those things that make us happy, lift us up, remind us of who we are and the great potential we have for good lives and good love–these are positive things. Keeping positive will keep us healthy, happy, fulfilled, and balanced. It’s easy to start. Just look in the mirror and say, “Hiya, Beautiful!”